Pennsylvania Alleged Food Thief Less Ambitious Than Transylvania Alleged Food Thieves!

Yesterday we wrote about a massive alleged theft of garlic by men in Transylvania. Time to move on to another wacky alleged food theft in another vania, namely, Pennsylvania! The Huffington Post reports that a potato chip trail lead police to arrest a man who allegedly stole 9 bags of potato chips from a Subway restaurant in Washington, Pennsylvania.

Please tell us it wasn’t the Baked Lay’s! It would be terrible to be convicted of a crime while trying to be health conscious! Still it could be worse:

3 Worse Things You Could Steal, Leaving A Trail Behind You For The Police To Find

1. Nine crates of the game Barrel of Monkeys! There’s no nutritional value in these, and it would be embarrassing if you created a link of monkeys straight from the toy store to your apartment. “I live on the 50th floor,” you say, “how did this chain of monkeys even manage to stay intact in the elevator?” Don’t expect any help answering this logistical question from the police or a bunch of plastic monkeys.

2. Trail mix. Perhaps trail mix may also have a high nutritional value, but they told you in the name: it’s Trail mix! This is worse because you were warned of the potential of trails, and shouldn’t be surprised if a few late night comedians remind you of this obvious point.

3. The Cabot Trail, Nova Scotia, Canada. First off, stealing a 185 mile trail would be a greater logistical nightmare than linking tens of thousands of plastic monkeys and probably carry a much worse sentence than some bags of chips. Second, chances are at some point of time in the many years it would take to attempt to steal this trail, one of those Google Street View cars will be driving behind you on this beautiful winding road. So in addition to getting caught, your blurred-out image is gonna, like, totally, ruin the picturesque geographical views of this tourist destination for people who do their traveling on Google Street View during these tough economic times.

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Categories: Crime, Geography, Humor

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