Those familiar with this site know we were briefly fans of the Celebrity Apprentice, the show where short-of-work celebrities could help their favorite charities. Those were simpler times when people just demanded more Bret Michaels reality TV make-out action after the conclusion of his own reality series, Rock Of Love Bus.
We often wondered if Donald Trump was choosing his celeb “Apprentice” winners based on their ability to help him win the Presidency, as he frequently told the media of Presidential aspirations.
We wondered it so frequently, we were too busy wondering to write about it on this site back then. But now we have time to visit this issue, and whatever side of the political aisle you may reside on, it’s clear there were:
3 Categories of Celebrity Apprentice Winners That Would Be Helpful In American Politics
Category #1: Talk Show Hosts.
If you had future aspirations to be President you may want some of these hosts on your side. Because when the show started in 2008, what campaign manager would believe CNN would just cut to live hour-long Trump rallies for free publicity? So perhaps that explains the following winners of the show:
Piers Morgan (2008 winner): Morgan began his career as a journalist who had worked for a few Rupert Murdoch newspapers and hosted a British talk show on Channel 4. In a country with so few networks that they name them by channel number, we assume this is the prestigious kind of channel on which hosts on BBC 8 can only dream of appearing.
Morgan ended up as a judge on America’s Got Talent with co-judge David Hasselhoff. Recall the show was called “America’s Got Talent,” not “This Show’s Judges Got Talent.”
After crushing country star, Trace Adkins, on the Celebrity Apprentice, Morgan used his talent to host a prime time talk show on CNN that was so hated that gun rights advocates petitioned the United States federal government to have him deported. Because deporting him, presumably would have totally stopped him from talking about gun control from Britain, where they obviously didn’t have the “worldwide web” let alone nine TV channels.
Other winners in this category: Joan Rivers (2009 winner) Host of the “Late Show starring Joan Rivers” in the late 1980s on the Fox Network… although the “starring Joan Rivers” part didn’t last long, as Arsenio Hall (2012 winner) took the show over. Trump totally had the 1980s late night talkshow B-list wrapped up! Trump diversified his 1980s talkshow dream team by picking Leeza Gibbons (2015 winner) who co-hosted early evening’s “Entertainment Tonight” after Mary Hart decided sitting behind home plate at Dodgers Games was a much more fun gig.
Category # 2: Country Music Stars
If you are a city slicker who appears in Bobby Brown “Ghostbusters 2” music videos like Donald Trump, having a few friends in the country music business may help you reach out to rural America.
Which is why you if you want to be president, you should start your series off with a nice victory by Trace Adkins. Oops… you picked gun rights opponent Piers Morgan instead? Better go with country sensation John Rich (2011 winner) in a future season!
Luckily for Adkins fans, just like in WWE wrestling, where Donald Trump has spent some time, there are always second chances at a title. During an “All-Star” season, Trace Adkins (winner: 2013) bested master illusionist Penn Jillette.
Although we declare the show’s producers to be the real master illusionists by convincing audiences that this “all star” group featuring Lil Jon and Gary Busey was any more star-powered than the other season featuring them. And a greater illusion: convincing Gary Busey twice that he ever had a shot at winning this thing.
Category #3: Bret Michaels
One could argue that Bret Michaels (winner: 2010) is almost a country star, because his biggest hit with Poison, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” sounds like a country song, especially when he’s singing about “cowboys” singing their “sad, sad” songs. That and the fact Michaels later sang it with Loretta Lynn.
One could also argue that if you look at the contestants from that season that Rod Blagojevich was likely weak competition for helping win an election, or even beating Bret Michaels, who managed to win the whole thing after having a brain hemorrhage!
So as history often repeats itself, when a new Celebrity Apprentice returns years down the road, bet on Ivanka Trump to advance her own shot at the presidency. The charities of Pat Sajak, Willie Nelson, and Bret Michaels bandmate, C.C. Deville may be riding on it!