3 U.S. Supreme Court Justice Nominees We’d Like To See Tonight

  1.  Anyone from the “Kars4Kids” ads. At their young ages, they will be able to spend more time on the bench than perhaps any other current Justice. These kids will be able to persuade their fellow Justices to rule with them, because with fake guitars they can convince people to give away 2018 BMWs to some car-related charity that doesn’t even know how to spell “Car.”  And we look forward to the Senate Confirmation hearings when one of them says: “Remember: that’s Conservative with a ‘K’!”
  2. Andew Dice Clay. We presume this former Celebrity Apprentice contestant is an early favorite. Let’s face it: it must be increasingly difficult for the current administration to say increasingly offensive things every day. So just imagine all of the fresh material (remember anything said in the 1980s is considered “fresh” these days) that could dominate the news headlines during the confirmation hearing.
  3. Judge Covfefe of the Intergalactic Supreme Court. And you thought that “Covfefe” Tweet was meaningless. Nope, it was all part of the plot line for the shocking reveal in tonight’s announcement! Not only is it shocking that Covfefe was had meaning, but alien lizards really have been running the planet for all time!

 

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Categories: Humor, Mildly Bad News

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