The New York Post reports that a 55-year-old Brooklyn man has won a tiny penis competition at a local bar. Apparently no newborn pandas were competing.
3 Other Awards We’d Like To See In A Brooklyn Bar
1. Most hipsters per capita. We would ask one of the hipsters with extra large glasses to keep count, because they obviously have enhanced vision. But then we’d realize a true hipster would never admit they or their friends were hipsters, screwing up the entire count!
2. Most video games from the 1980s that can be played ironically. We’re looking your way Barcade, and will take on anyone who says otherwise in Frogger!
3. Most people reading the print edition of the Sunday New York Times. Come on! We know you all have iPads – do you really have to use so much paper to search for for fashion section stories about Urban Outfitters and American Apparel? Also, do you think the New York Times has the in-depth media coverage of the New York Post on Brooklyn’s tiny penis competition? For example, how long is the tiny penis? Okay, the Post article doesn’t say. Perhaps next time, a hipster with an iPad ruler app can get the scoop.