3 More Ways To Make Major League Baseball Games Shorter

Yesterday, we wrote about MLB’s plans to test new methods to shorten games, and provided our own suggestions.

Here are 3 more of our own:

1. Shorten Lyrics To “Take Me Out To The Ball Game.” For example, delete the line “I don’t care if I never get back.” Oh, you care. Nobody wants to spend winter living as a squatter in Fenway Park.

2. Eliminate all commentary from Chris Berman. We suspect his long-winded “back, back, back” commentary every time someone comes close to hitting a homerun may suck the life out of a baseball, resulting in fewer homers and longer games. And if our science is wrong, ending this will at least make games seem shorter.

3. Make every game a home game! Because if the home team is winning going into the bottom of the ninth, there is no bottom of the ninth. Oh, we forgot to mention, this requires only winning teams to play at home. But we don’t think anyone in Houston will notice if their team is absent for a season.

Categories: Mildly Bad News

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