Florida Snail Invasion!

CNN reports that Florida is being invaded by Giant African Land Snails, a breed of snail that has no natural predator, and loves to eat anything that grows in Florida.

3 Worse Outcomes Than Snails Eating Every Plant In Florida

1. The Snail from the upcoming Dreamworks Animation movie, Turbo, could begin racing all of the motorcycles on Daytona Beach during bike week. If a snail offers to wager you in a contest of speed, you’re totally getting hustled!

2. Panama City Beach Spring Break revellers could accidentally funnel the snails.

3. Snails, knowing they can impact the orange juice market, carry a suitcase with a fake report to drive the price of orange juice futures up, to fool the Duke brothers from Trading Places into buying worthless orange juice futures.



Categories: Humor

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

5 replies

  1. I say – “Feed the snails Kudzu until they explode and kills two predators with one digestive stone.”

    Like

  2. As a Floridian currently terrified of this, thank you for the laugh. I’ll now continue to snail proof my house lest the king snail come and drag me into the night, screaming all the way.

    Like

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