According to US Magazine, Robert Patterson, hates being called by his “ubiquitous” nick name, “R-Patz”. Apparently US Magazine defines “ubiquitous” as meaning anything a tween girl would say in a conversation nobody wants to hear. Not even over-protective mothers who in the old days would have read diaries.
Anyway, Robert, this is NotTheWorstNews, so if it you need a pick-me-up after a lousy nickname disrupts your enjoyment of your multi-million-dollar-every-young-woman-and-her-mother-wants-you-movie-star lifestyle, remember, it could be worse, so here are:
3 Worse Nicknames For Robert Pattison Than “R-Patz”
1. “Guy-who-disappeared-for-like-two-hours-in-Twilight-New-Moon”. This is probably how he’s referred to by any fathers roped into taking their daughters to this movie, trying to get a handle on the plot. All we know is his character, Edward Cullen took off to Italy about 20 minutes into the movie, and came back just in time at the end to propose to Kristin Stewart, after the werewolf professed his love to her. We don’t know if Robert was just dialing his performance in, or had another movie to shoot, or used the “I was just getting popcorn excuse”, while he pulled an Alex P.-Keaton-from-Family-Tiesand tried to go on dates with two girls at the same time.
2. PG-13 Patz.With no steamy scenes between any vampires, werewolves, or very-confused-romantically not-so-selective high school students, and with more vampires randomly flying-through the air to Muse than actual violence, his Twilight work is never getting an “R-Rating.” Which is too bad since all of its original audience must be 17 by now and old enough to see an R-rated movie. Or if they’re too young to see an R-movie, they’re certainly old enough to be accompanied into the theater by their mothers who are reading the latest in the 50 Shades of Grey series. We’re guessing those moms won’t object to taking their daughters to an R-rated movie, while they’re secretly reading the next erotica-to-theater blockbuster series that some movie studio (probably Sony: see below) will inevitably develop! Either way, until one of these Twilight things gets rated “R”, it’s PG-13 Patz from now on at this web site!
3. MC Skat-Patz. Somebody’s gotta bring back animated, rapping-cat, MC Skat’s career. As MC Skat Kat’s work appeared on Virgin music, now owned by EMI, whose catalogue is now being bought by Sony Music, the folks at Sony have to find a way to milk money after every last song in that catalogue! And we wrote previously, Sony is the same corporate entity responsible for boardgame-to-movie Battleship and currently has movies in development for Candyland and Risk. So they have the massive financing and literary-evaluation skills necessary to hire a multi-million-dollar tween A-lister to play the role of MC Skat Kat. We look forward to “Opposites Attract,” the musical where a rapping cat predictably falls in love with a Classic Rock-lovin’ dog!