Two Fast Food Chains Go Bankrupt In Same Week

Reuters reports that sandwich-maker Quiznos Corp filed for bankruptcy just days after pizza-chain Sbarro LLC filed for bankruptcy protection.

3 Ideas We Have To Rescue These Companies

1. Merge them into one company called “Subarrnos” that makes pizza with submarine sandwiches stuffed inside the crust.

Because if there’s one thing Yum Brands has taught us through its KFC, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut chains is that if it’s ridiculous enough, Americans will eat it, whether you’re talking about chicken sandwiches with chicken buns; tacos with shells made of Doritos; or pizza with crust stuffed with items other than submarines.

2. Rename the companies something that tells people what product is being sold. This may be a better strategy than the current name-your-company-something-that-would-get-you-an-awesome-Words-With-Friends-score strategy (except that they are not real words).

3. Everyone likes basing food decisions on a mascot, right? Sure, mascots sound expensive, but there are literally tons of free mascots in Time Square near what feels like a million Sbarro locations*, so just find out which one is willing to work for free pizza, and is not going to get you sued for copyright infringement.

*idea does not apply to Quiznos because we’ve never been to one. 

Categories: Business, Humor, Restaurants

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

3 replies

  1. You could double down on the mascot idea by getting a celebrity endorsement from another company’s mascot. You could triple down by doubling up on the mascot endorsements. Can’t you just picture Ronald McDonald and the Geico gecko selling mediocre sandwiches together in a commercial? That’s some Super Bowl crap right there.


  2. Export their food to China – it will compensate for the lead China puts in ours


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