Sorry, Zach Galifianakis, That Beard May Be Dirtier Than A Toilet Seat

Albuquerque’s Action 7 News reports that it has been swabbing things for many years… so when that’s your role in the news industrial complex, eventually you are asked to do a story about having a microbiologist swab men’s beards.

The result? There was bacteria found in poop in some men’s beards.  Sorry, Beardies, but to make you feel better, here are:

3 More Things We’d Like To See An Action News Team Swab

1.  Icebergs: to prove once and for all climate change is real since the media doesn’t seem to want to concede that. Hint: if the iceberg breaks in half when you swab it, there is a problem.

2.  The checks used to pay for political referendum ads aired during “action” news shows. Time to find out which small groups of people’s DNA are actually on these things, since the news also seems to infrequently report on this.

3. The mouse and keyboard of whatever TV producer orders swabs of beards instead of reporting on real news. Just don’t accidentally click on the producer’s “search history” while swabbing, since that may provide a spoiler alert to the swab results.

Categories: Mildly Bad News

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