Hey, If People Don’t Go To Real Malls, You Can’t Expect Them To Go To Skymall

The Associated Press reports that Skymall, the inflight magazine that lets you buy garden gnomes and other weird items on commercial airplanes filed for bankruptcy.

Honestly, we did not know the array of bizarre items that Skymall sells, because we never opened the magazine.

3 Items We Would Like To Buy Instantly On Commercial Airplanes

1. “You broke it, you bought it” signs. Because that’s what we’d say to anyone who complains about declining service on airplanes. “You broke it by demanding the cheapest fare possible on the internet. And you bought the ticket, literally.”

2. Headphones with each speaker the size of a person’s head. Because it doesn’t seem to matter how large the headphones are on your head, people will try to strike up a conversation with you, as if they have no clue that headphones emit noise. At least if you’re wearing ones the size of a person’s head, they may think each speaker is another person, and instead try to strike up a conversation with your speakers, which would be entertaining.

3. A better safety demonstration than how to buckle a seat belt. Come on, where have you been that you did not learn to buckle a seat belt? How did people who don’t know how to use seat belts even get to the airport? And don’t say “public transit,” because we wager that someone who can’t buckle a seat belt will have trouble figuring out the correct buses and trains to get on to even get to the airport.

Categories: Mildly Bad News

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