3 Ways To Ensure The Super Bowl Balls Are Not Deflated

In light of the recent #Deflategate, or as we prefer #Deflatriots scandal, here are 3 recommendations we have for ensuring the Super Bowl game balls are not deflated…

1. Ensure each Super Bowl ball’s ego is inflated throughout the game. Tell the balls reassuring comments, like they’re good enough to participate in one play in America’s most watched sporting event. Who isn’t good enough to participate in an event where one team cheated, one won a coin toss, and the half-time performance will feature the “real” singing of Katy Perry?

2. Use a fully inflated holographic football. We know from the 2008 presidential election that Will.i.am loves being a hologram, and we kind of wish he was a hologram in the Black Eyed Peas 2011 Super Bowl half-time performance. Also holographic footballs can be programmed to ensure the score is even enough throughout the game so people watch the entire event.

3. Fill the footballs with whatever product is featured in the most Super Bowl commercials. We’re guessing that’s Budweiser. Then if someone tries to deflate the balls, they will get sprayed with beer, also like a beer commercial. Makes any beer-soaked culprit each to catch, and with a hidden camera, also makes a low budget Super Bowl commercial.

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Categories: Mildly Bad News

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