Hey Twitter, Before Your IPO, Where’s Our $47.82?

Yahoo Finance reports that when Twitter becomes a public company in the next few weeks, it might be worth $11 billion, based on information from Twitter. The article says that Twitter has 230 million active users. And our math says that means each user is worth $47.82.

3 Questions That Arise From This Story

1. What, exactly is “an active user?” Are the porn-selling autobots that follow a thousand people at a time “active?” That is pretty active considering we only follow less than a hundred people, although more active than we want the person who spams us with porn sales pitches from their parents’ basement in Russia to be.

2. Just expanding on this “active user” definition, is Rob Kardashian, who has updated around ten times in the past hour, and implies he’s overweight on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, really active? The dude is following zero people. How active is that? Seriously, man, your claim to fame is you have a line of socks. Are you really going to be the one person who is too cool to follow anyone? Sorry dude, this Twitter laziness confirms that the only sock image you metaphorically project is black sweat socks in sandals with shorts, making us unlikely buyers.

3. Where’s our metaphorical $47.82? We update Twitter, at least every 14 blog entries, providing free content to our porn autobot followers! Hey, Wall Street, you don’t have to write us a check for $47.82. We understand that as far as content goes, for $47.82 you could stream Netflix for almost six months! That’s six consecutive months of watching nothing happen plot-wise on the Walking Dead, which ironically, is what we imagine being a zombie might feel like.

Not The Worst News: Satisfying your cravings for business news about zombies since 2012. Now make like a zombie and follow us on Twitter here!

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Categories: Business, Humor

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. It seems that you might be implying that it is not worth $47 to follow Rob Kardashian. 🙂

    Like

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