The American Society of Civil Engineers have released its 2013 report on America’s infrastructure, and good news America, according to CNN, your grade has improved! (To a “D+.”)
So next time someone is standing at a port dressed in a Tea Party outfit (formerly a Town Crier outfit) declaring that it’s time to cut all government spending, feel free to send them an email reminder of this report, which gives ports a grade of “C” or “mediocre.” And consider how lucky you are when that email arrives considering the report gave America a “D+” on energy.
But why do all these engineers have to focus on the negative? Let’s focus on some positive areas to get America’s average up!
3 Areas Where America Deserves An A+
1. Infrastructure to make people famous for just being famous. With modern camera infrastructure, there’s no need to waste resources training people talents like singing, dancing, or writing teleplays that don’t involve action where legitimately drunk people get in arguments with each other over nothing. (And it doesn’t matter that the arguments are over nothing because the words will all be bleeped out with America’s Grade A bleeping infrastructure.)
2. Home car elevator infrastructure. While Mitt Romney may not have won his Presidential bid, rest assured he was able to smoothly access any elevated car to attend last week’s CPAC convention.
3. Large portion table settings infrastructure. Thanks to this infrastructure wait staff at New York City restaurants won’t have to wear out valuable flooring and carpet infrastructure by bringing patrons multiple soft drinks to give them the 48-ounce cola they demand!