The power has been out at the NotTheWorstNews headquarters a.k.a. the Worse Situation Room, for hours. So this is our first blog using the iPhone app, which significantly delays our ability to bring you the latest status of the World’s Ugliest Dog and other pressing matters.
3 Worse Things Than An Office Building Blackout
1. Blacking out during an office building blackout because everybody at work decided to throw an impromptu party since there was nothing else to do while the computer and phone lines were down. And unlike the Office Christmas party where you drunkenly photocopied your rear end and sent PDF copies to everyone on the company mailing list, with no electricity you have to use your iPhone camera and contact book of everyone you’ve ever met, to accomplish the same goal in a fraction of the time! Which means you can send thousands of drunk photos of your various body parts during the blackout party. In the afternoon. So you look like a lush to everyone except your creepy sculptor neighbor who now has enough photos to create a perfect scale model of your body. Which he later mass produces and sells to Dress Barn. We’ve never been to Dress Barn, but somehow the name doesn’t sound flattering. Were the names “Dress Cattle Feedlot”; “Dress Herd”; and “Dress Grease Trap” unavailable?
2. That company report you were writing recommending the future business continuity plan involving backing up all work files in the cloud wasn’t saved when the power went off and permanently fried your hard drive, and the companies servers. How ironic!
3. A blackout at home, where unlike at work, nobody’s paying you to reset the oven and 99 other needless attention-seeking clocks that you wouldn’t even know exist if it wasn’t for the occasional one-nano-second power failure. To make matters worse, due to the lack of attention you’ve been paying to these appliances, the bread maker you got for Christmas is gonna totally break up with you! Which is really bad considering the bread maker stuck with you despite your antics at the company Christmas party. “Enjoy your untoasted toast made of Doritos!” the bread maker will say, as it walks out the door with her new boyfriend, the toaster.