Dogs Married In $158,187.26 Wedding! Why Are You Still Single?

The Modesto Bee reports that two dogs got married in a benefit for the Humane Society of New York in a Guinness Book Of World Record setting wedding, setting the record for most expensive pet wedding at $158,187.26!

We hope that if you’re single, your mom was not invited to this particular wedding, as she may start nagging you about the fact that bride Baby Hope Diamond was able to find her Mr. Right (a.k.a. poodle groom Chilly Pasternak) and you’re still single, eating Mr. Noodles in your apartment under the Williamsburg Bridge, with your four hipster aspiring-artist roommates.

Perhaps you’re still single because of your poor choice of perfume?

Although these may not have been your dogs, with dogs getting married earlier and earlier these days, they very well could have been, so in case this ever happens to you, here are:

3 Worse Things Than Your Dog Getting Married Before You

1. Not being asked to be the bridesmaid at your dog’s wedding! Really, so this is how it’s gonna be after years of pooping and scooping after your dog? It’s not your fault that your dog went all Hollywood after starring in some documentary called the Queen of Versailles, opening in theaters this Friday, and chose the film’s stars Virginia Nebab and Jackie Siegel (whoever they are) as the female members of her wedding party.

2. Being asked to be the bridesmaid at some other dog’s wedding! Look, if you live under the Williamsburg bridge, the occasional stray mutt couple is gonna have an impromptu wedding in front of your building and need some witnesses to make things official. That’s just how it works out there, “So suck it up, and help a bitch out!” the dog will say, as it asks you to help put on her American Apparel wedding dress.

3. Catching the bouquet at a wedding full of dog guests. Good God, someone just threw something in a banquet hall full of dogs, and you caught it! In seconds, packs of dog guests will be jumping in the air, toward your face, trying to retrieve the bouquet and return it to the human bride!



Categories: Animals, Humor, Weddings

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

72 replies

  1. Very cute!! Congrats to the lucky couple and congrats on being freshly pressed!

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  2. Thank you for sharing ,i like nice post

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  3. I’d imagine the spread of food wasn’t too tasty either.

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  4. Hahaha, being the best man (dog?) at a dog wedding seems like quite the honor! Great job! Looking forward to the next post!

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  5. If it costs more than $150,000 for dogs to get married, what incentive would humans have? LOL

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  6. This is total nonsense. A foolish waste of money, never seen anything more stupid.

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    • I completely agree, they should have used the money to help the humane society. How legal is a dog’s marriage any way?

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      • Aloha kakou,Kaniakapupu IS on the federal and state riesetgr of historic places. Access IS restricted by DLNR as it is in the Nu`uanu Watershed. We are `Ahahui Malama `o Kaniakapupu, and we DO have stewardship of the area.Ka Lei Maile Ali`i Hawaiian Civic Club is one of the stewardship partners of the `Ahahui.We have been having increasing problems recently because of vandlism and theft. Increasing publicity is not helping matters. We are not happy with people turning the place into some kind of tourist destinationYes, anyone can access it (despite violating watershed regs). It seems in the western world that everyone has rights and is free to do whatever they want. Just because one can do something does not mean the one should do it. You are not required to have permission to go. It is traditional for those who are malihini to ask permission from Na Akua of the place and the kupa`aina/stewards. Hawaiian traditional practices are even being abandoned by Kanaka Maoli for the western mindset.The `Ahahui has scheduled service days to malama the place. Ka Lei Maile `Ali`i Hawaiian Civic Club website has contact information. If you must visit it is better to give something back and not just take. Be part of the solution to the problem not part of the problem.Baron Ching, vice chair, `Ahahui Malama `o Kaniakapupu

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  7. I don’t understand why people – mostly women – are so obsessed with weddings: http://andreasmoser.wordpress.com/2011/09/29/the-most-beautiful-day-of-your-life/

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  8. I think a little part of me just died.

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  9. Eww…There can’t be any reasonable explanation for this.

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  10. Great blog, well done. Even if i think the world has gone bonkers!!

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  11. Fun post, and congrats on being freshly pressed.

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  12. Absolutely bizarre! At least the money raised is going to help other animals, I guess.

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    • Actually, only 10% of all donations reach the shelters. That is why there are so many shelters that put down animals as soon as they come in the door, or soon after. Especially momma cats and kittens. Google this, but before you do, grab the kleenex cause you are gonna need them. If you want to support, find a Vet office that you KNOW finds forever homes for little ones that come in. I did/do and I feel so much better knowing that my support gets put to good use. I agree with you about spending this much money on a pet wedding…..

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  13. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed – cute post!

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  14. To think that there are still suffering animals and humans in this world… I wonder why.
    Thanks for sharing this! It’s an interesting topic.

    Katie

    http://katieraspberry.wordpress.com/

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  15. Did they have a human ring-bearer?

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  16. I just found freshly pressed and I am glad I have. This is an excellent post. I wish I was as funny. Congrats on your freshly pressed!

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  17. Marrying dogs? Wow. Just wow, let alone pay that much for any wedding!

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  18. very funny

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  19. I want to make a joke about ‘dogging’ but I just can’t bring myself to stoop that low. Nice post.

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  20. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I have truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case I will be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!

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  21. I guess its better than when some dog inherits their master’s fortune….. i guess

    http://www.trueleefiction.wordpress.com
    read.enjoy.share

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  22. Oh my goodness, a dog wedding? That is definitely quite crazy, and I can’t believe how much that cost too! I knew some people married their dogs but certainly not around $100,000+.

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  23. So was the Bridal Dance “Atomic Dog”?

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  24. This is truly a hilarious post, Concerning #2….we can only hope that the male dog has not has premarital sex with every bitch in town before settling down. Gotta be sure to keep an eye on him LOLOL

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  25. I can just see the bouquet being torn apart. Who will be the next lucky bitch?

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  26. dogs, like fags, can no more be wed than can a circle be a square.

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  27. Bwah ha ha ha! My hat off to you!

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  28. Very creative analysis.

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  29. Just found this blog today. I’m obsessed, hilarious.

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  30. I guess somebody has money to spare. It’s unfortunate they decided to spend it on lavish dog weddings when I know of many animals living in cruel conditions and, most importantly, humans who are starving this very moment.

    I love that you shed light on the situation in a very funny manner. Congratulations on being freshly pressed!

    indiraadams.wordpress.com

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  31. I just want to tell you that I’m all new to blogging and definitely enjoyed you’re web page. More than likely I’m likely to bookmark your website . You amazingly come with terrific posts. Thanks for revealing your web page.

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  32. Thanks for the great laugh! :)

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  33. Typical that this took place in New York.
    It’s such a garishly american thing to do.

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  34. I would be bankrupted to have my dog married. But thank god I don’t have one! :)

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  35. Wow, best wishes to the newlyweds. :D

    ————–
    colorado springs divorce lawyers

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  36. Love it! Made me laugh… and feel not so bad about myself for once!

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    • Thanks! For readers who haven’t read the “about” section of our site, making people feel better is our primary goal!

      Our secondary goal is to produce a show called “Dog Divorce Court” just in case this dog marriage doesn’t work out!

      Spoiler alert: the show will feature lots of barking after the dogs’ assets are divided.

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  37. This is beyond hilarious and introspective of life as a single person! Kudos

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  38. SHOCKS!!! They may not be human….But they “afford” it like human xD…..

    *LIKE*

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  39. I used to work for the “maid of honor” in New York. She’s part of Animal Fair magazine and I was an intern there some years back. I knew her and the late maltese Lucky. This had been in the works for some time and it’s unfortunate that Lucky never made it to her own wedding. I am so happy for everyone there and I wish I was still in New York to attend.

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  40. Wonderful website. A lot of useful information here. I’m sending it to a few pals ans also sharing in delicious. And of course, thanks on your effort!

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  41. Hey there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok. I’m undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

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  42. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post…

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  43. This is a wonderful article, So much info given in it, These type of articles keeps the users interest in the website, keep on sharing more… good luck.

    Like

  44. Too cute. (says the single girl with her dog curled up at her feet). Nice job on being freshly pressed :)

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  45. Good points all around. Truly apeepciatrd.

    Like

Trackbacks

  1. Dogs Married In $158,187.26 Wedding! Why Are You Still Single? « NotTheWorstNews « My Favorite Spaces
  2. 3 Worse Things Than Being “Freshly Pressed” (According To A Pair Of Jeans We Interviewed) « NotTheWorstNews
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