According to the Mirror, reports recently released by the U.K. Ministry of Defence indicate that the British government believed in 1995 that aliens were visiting the United Kingdom for tourism purposes. And the Times of India has just reported that an Oxford Scientist has predicted that we could see aliens on this planet in 100 years. All this evidence of alien activity could certainly lead to major chaos and traffic congestion in London if they happen to choose to visit during the Summer Olympics, especially if they drive their saucers on the American a.k.a. “right” side of the sky!
To make matters worse, a European economic crisis means that many British residents won’t be able to go on vacation this year, creating even more congestion. Still, faithful British NTWN readers (and you are truly faithful as our second largest group of readers, or were, at least until Canada just passed you while writing this article – way to drop the ball), remember, if you’re stuck at home while everyone else from Australian Olympic swimmers to Aliens are living the high life, remember it could be worse! Here are:
3 Worse Things Than Being Stuck At Home While Everyone Else Including The Aliens Are On Vacation
1. You could be stuck at home listening to the 1981 Loverboy hit “Working For The Weekend.” This song reminds you that everyone’s working for the weekend… well everyone with a job, that is. You haven’t had a job since 2008, when a global recession hit, and Buckingham Palace had to fire its vending machine maintenance staff. So you’re stuck at home, listening to lousy music because you can’t afford to replace your CD Player with an MP3 player, and it’s had the Loverboy CD stuck inside since some spilled Tab cola on the eject button during an 80’s themed party you had in 1990. FYI, in case you forgot, because you’re unemployed, and every day blends into one, it’s not the weekend, it’s Tuesday!
2. Being stuck at home, watching your one Facebook share decline on CNBC Europe, while the world stock markets fair poorly because many traders believe in a “Sell In May And Go Away” theory, which is based in part on the idea that everyone on Wall Street goes on vacation for four months beginning in May, driving stock prices down. Hey, contributing to a global financial crisis and manipulating markets is tiring! You’d be tuckered out, and need a four month vacation, too!
3. Being stuck at home, on vacation from university, wondering what you are going to do with that journalism degree, with a minor in Guitar Hero, when the Huffington Post and a busker on the street are giving that news and Loverboy music away for free! And then the aliens pay your flat a visit, looking for a place to stay because the Meridien at Picadilly Circus is fully booked! The good news is, as we wrote about here, that Americans believe that President Obama is better equipped to handle an alien invasion than Mitt Romney, so feel free to cite that fact to the aliens while they shoot lasers at your CD player and steal all of the bottled water from your flat!