3 Birthday Gift Suggestions For Twitter

We would like to wish Twitter a belated happy tenth birthday. Here are:

3 Birthday Presents We Would Like To Give Twitter

1. A million fake followers. Hey, Twitter, don’t worry about those people with millions of followers saying that everyone uses Facebook. Ask yourself: if they really had a million followers, why did just seventeen people like their Tweet dissing Twitter. Anyway, with a million fake followers, you can look more popular, too.

2. A bunch of news stories featuring tweets commenting on the news story. Who has time for hard news like going out to interview a man in the street? Better question: who has time to read news about tweets? Even better question: if Twitter was so good at aggregating tweets, why do news media outlets have to regift those same tweets to us readers?  We don’t know the answer, but enjoy your regifted, regifted tweets, Twitter.

3. A business plan.  We’re not quite sure what your business plan is beyond #CopyFacebook. Anyway here’s your gift: #BusinessPlan. Enjoy!

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Categories: Mildly Bad News

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