The Local, France’s news in English reports that a hostess at a swanky Paris restaurant was told to seat “beautiful” people at the front of the restaurant and “not-beautiful people” at harder to view tables.

But what if someone phoned for a reservation? Staff were allegedly told to look for “linguist clues” that might give away whether callers are beautiful.

3 Possible Linguistic Clues To Determine If Someone May Be Beautiful

1. Are they using an electronic voice modifier? If so, they’re probably not beautiful as they’re wearing the mask from Scream and will probably not attract many customers to your restaurant, especially if your restaurant is in an empty cabin. On the plus side, as Thanksgiving approaches, they might carve your beautiful turkey and ham.

2. Have they screamed “Do you know who I am?” If the answer is, “Yes, Rob Ford, you’ve asked that fifteen times and apparently forgotten each time,” they probably aren’t beautiful, but do wear a shiny Mayor-Of-Toronto medallion chain.

3. Did their cell phone cut out when they tried to make a reservation under the name “Rob Ford?” Oh no! You just put Tom Ford in the “not-beautiful” section, which is probably an unwise career move in a snobby French restaurant! You really should have listened to JAY-Z’s song “Tom Ford” more carefully!

Categories: Humor, Restaurants

Tags: Business, dining, etiquette, fashion, France, Humor, Paris, postaday, restaurants