- 10% off next book written by Ted Cruz for every donation made to his campaign by midnight.*
- Free carbon emissions in exchange for putting any Republican candidate’s bumper sticker on the back of your SUV or pick-up.**
- Buy one get one free brain surgery from Dr. Ben Carson.***
*Working title: “Making Money while running for President when having absolutely no chance of becoming President. Or Vice-President.”
**Stickers say “The GOP: We disagree with the 100% of Exxon scientists that say climate change is man-made. However, we do agree with accepting donations from oil companies.”
***Free brain surgery will remove part of your brain that understands science or logic.