CNN reports that every state in the union reports that there was somewhere its borders below freezing this morning.

3 Places We Suspect Are Not Freezing

1. Between the ears of people who don’t believe in the science of climate change. (We’re envisioning their ears with smoke fuming like a cartoon character as they explain the cold weather is scientific anecdotal proof science is not a thing.)

2. Red Carpet of any Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 premiere. It would only freeze there if Donald Sutherland adjusted the weather machine to create a storm of ice pellets with snapping teeth. And nobody is going to do that until you at least pay for tickets to see part 2.

3. Walmart aisles selling the movie Frozen. That movie is selling like hotcakes, so can’t possibly be freezing, despite its name.

Categories: Mildly Bad News

Tags: entertainment, environment, Humor, Hunger Games, movies, Parody, satire, Science, weather