Even 3 More Ways To Make Baseball Games Shorter

As we’ve been writing this weekend, Major League Baseball intends to test new methods to shorten games. And we have a few ideas of our own. Here are three more:

1. In between innings, just give the fan the prize instead of making us watch variations of the shell game on the Jumbotron. We all know the answer is “C.”

2. To steal a base, the player must physically steal the base, wearing a Hamburglar mask. This will make stealing bases more difficult, discouraging players from even trying, resulting in fewer throws by the pitcher to first base.

3. Foul balls caught by fans are now outs. Hey, if you, the fan stops a line drive from spilling your beer and injuring children, you deserve a stat in the history books. Especially after all pandering professional teams call fans the “[insert number of players on team and add one] Player.”

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Categories: Mildly Bad News

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