Yahoo Finance reports that Alibaba Group, the Chinese internet giant, sold $2 billion of goods in the first hour of this year’s “Singles’ Day,” a shopping holiday created by the company five years ago.

3 Gifts To Buy Yourself On “Singles Day”

1. One sock. Imagine the feeling of love-at-first-sight when you meet someone else wearing the exact matching lone sock in the park. And if this doesn’t happen and your lone sock disappears in the wash, you’ll forget it ever existed.

2. Two socks. Because that cute person in the park wearing one sock is totally going to be impressed with your pair of socks over that other loser wearing one sock.

3. Life insurance and a loud pair of socks. Because that will somehow land you a $40 million business deal when you see someone with the exact same pair of socks at the airport, based on a commercial currently airing for some insurance company.

Categories: Mildly Bad News

Tags: Business, China, fashion, Humor, money, Parody, satire, shopping, Singles Day