Yesterday, we wrote about former Federal Reserve chair Ben Bernanke saying that he was recently unable to refinance his mortgage, despite his home being assessed in the $800,000 range, and him earning $250,000 to give a speech.
3 Quotes We Imagine From Bankers Based On This Story
1. “It’s 2007 and you pinkie-swear, without even signing this form, or us verifying anything, that you are employed as a Shakira impersonator for $30,000,000 per year. That is impressive since it sounds like more than Shakira currently earns. APPROVED!”
2. “It’s 2009 and you are asking for a loan. Hahahahahaa. Oh wait, I must cease laughing because the bank just laid me off. Oh I’m kidding, they just confirmed I still will be getting my one million dollar bonus. Hahahahaha!”
3. “It’s 2014 and you have the earning ability to pay for this mortgage? Sorry, you have been declined. Pssssssst. Have you considered hacking into our bank’s network and just loaning the money to yourself? I’m not advocating criminal activity, but making a joke about the irony of how all of our accounts get hacked here, yet my computer is rejecting your responsible-sounding loan.”
Categories: Mildly Bad News
NotTheWorstNews 
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