Snakes On A Pew?

ABC news reports that in rural Appalachia churches that features poisonous snakes being handled by pastors at their services are arguing they have the Constitutional right to continue using snakes in the services, as a literal interoperation of a Bible verse apparently says to worship with serpents.

Citizens who don’t want venomous snakes escaping in their communities disagree.

3 More Dangerous Things To Bring Into A Church

1. Venomous snakes and a vampire. Once you invite one of those vampires inside a building, they’re all claiming permanent squatters’ rights, and you do not want to get into constitutional property rights arguments with vampires, since they were around when the Constitution was drafted. Oh, and like snakes, they can fatally bite people.

2. The snake in the beginning of the Bible who was a bad guy. The bad news: that snake may be venomous and knows how to corrupt people by selling fruit they otherwise would never have bought. The good news: fruit sales may go up in rural Appalachia, which may reduce scurvy, especially among vampires who have been living in the mountains since the Declaration of Independence.

3. Samuel L. Jackson’s character from Snakes On A Plane. Now you’ve got venomous snakes, guns, cussing, and two more constitutional arguments about freedom of speech and the right to bear arms to deal with!

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Categories: Animals, Humor

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