Have You Been Wasting Money On Fresh Food And Sunscreen, Suckers?

U.S. News & World Report reports that a British study indicates wealthier Americans have toxins in their systems, as do poorer Americans, although the toxins are different.

Specifically, higher income people have higher levels of PFCs, which may be found in “fresh meat, fish, and other fresh vegetables” and a toxin called “BP3 that is found in sunscreens.”

So, that’s what you get for trying to be healthy, people who try to be healthy!

3 Other Toxins Which We Wonder Whether Rich People Contain

1. Drugs that cause paranoia. We’re just wondering if there’s a better explanation as to why Kanye and Kim Kardashian both reportedly ordered million dollar armored vehicles. The only million dollar vehicle worth purchasing is a Kentucky Derby winner if you can see the future before the race, just like that Twilight vampire. Right?

2. Substances that make you forget things. Like to make room for an elevator in your forty-something story building, just like some presumably wealthy people in Spain reportedly appear to have forgotten after commencing construction of such a building, as we recently wrote.

3. Toxins from other rich people. We’re not suggesting rich people are literally eating rich people, as in the Aerosmith song “Eat The Rich.” Rather, we’re suggesting the song “Eat The Rich” can fill one’s brains with toxins, caused by listening to epically bad music made by rich people. And based on the popularity of our Spanish elevator article referencing Aerosmith, we all know our dear readers love Aerosmith references, so you’re welcome!

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Categories: Health, Humor

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. Your blog is a remedy to a toxic media! 🙂

    Like

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