Company Board & Shareholders Apparently Seek Dictator CEO Who Reports To Nobody!

Yoga Apparel maker Lululemon, whose former CEO departed and has had issues with recalling unintentionally see-through yoga wear has put an ad on its web site searching for a new CEO. And there’s a button where anyone can apply! Do you have what it takes? Did you remember to wear opaque lead pants today? Let’s see what the job entails…

Included in the job description are gems like the following:

“…You report to no one, you are the CEO (duh).


“…you know the secret to how they got the caramel in the Caramilk bar…”


“…on Friday afternoons you hit up wheatgrass and tequila shots…”

3 Better Criteria For A Yoga Clothing Store CEO

1. You are smart enough to know that a CEO reports to the shareholders and board of directors.  And probably also smart enough to know not to call those people “no one” at the next annual general meeting if you want to keep your job. And you don’t say “duh” after writing lame marketing copy attempting to be funny (duh!)

2. You know more complex manufacturing secrets than what we guessed as children involved freezing caramel and putting it in chocolate. Secrets like “how can we make non-see through pants out of seemingly transparent glass?” and “If we accidentally make a bunch of see-through pants, how many strip clubs will it take to buy them?” and “If you don’t know the Caramilk secret, does this mean you also don’t know what the internet or Wikipedia are?”

3. You don’t do tequila shots on Friday afternoons. Because that would look really bad if your stock went down on Friday, like it did today! If you are going to do shots, might we suggest weekend body shots off whoever is wearing transparent pants, since their bodies are already exposed?

Categories: Advertising, Humor

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