Yesterday, we wrote about reports that Facebook may introduce a Facebook smartphone this Thursday. What could Facebook possibly add to a smart device that Apple or Samsung haven’t already thought of? How about features like these:
1. Notifications of everything! A friend got engaged? Consider yourself notified.
You type a note of congratulations. Consider yourself notified of every other person who congratulates the friend after you.
Someone in your contact list turned their phone off “Airplane” mode. Notified.
Someone sent you email from Yahoo or Gmail – slow down there, why are you using competing products? Haven’t you tried the new Facebook email? Sounds like someone needs a notification telling them about Facebook mail, and a prompt asking them if they would like to reply to all future emails from Facebook mail. You don’t want to do that? Too bad, while your phone was in your jeans, your hip clicked the “like” button to the prompt, and there is no way to ever undo that.
2. Notification prioritizer. “Tired of getting so many notifications of everything on your phone,” we imagine Mark Zuckerberg saying at the keynote. Well, now you can prioritize your Tweets, Facebook messages, and texts into the following categories:
- What are people up to on Facebook?
- Events on Facebook that you did not get invited to, and the name of the person who did not invite you.
- Ads that you will see whether you want to or not.
- Ignore everyone! (only works if you agree to receive a notification of a new ad every five minutes).
- Arguments of the validity of words from the “Words With Friends” chat room.
- Notification of changes to terms of service, slowly week by week, agreeing to get rid of all of these preferences, and enjoy the new priority sequence called whatever-we-want-to-show-you!
3. TV Shows You Watched. Because if you look at your Facebook account you’ll see they’ve lowered the bar from shows you like, to just whatever you’ve watched. We’re guessing it makes it easier for advertisers to figure out who fast-forwarded through the commercials on their DVRs on shows they recorded by accident. The good news, is your phone will now record every show you watch, and then show you the commercials as your new visual ring tone!