Today is the final day of our week-long celebration of our readers! And our final entry in this series is inspired by blogger clotildajamcracker and her entry “Pirates Of The Dirty White T-Shirts.” This funny blog entry segues from commentary on the quality of modern-day pirate fashion to a tale of how during the author’s youth, she may have been helping some dude house-sit at the neighbor’s place. And that dude may have stolen the neighbors’ credit card. And they may have gone on a luxury trip to San Antonio using the credit card.
Don’t worry, according to the blog, the neighbors were reimbursed their money, and didn’t press charges. As for the neighbors, it could have been worse. Here are:
3 Worse Things House-Sitters Could Do Than Not House-Sit and Take Off To San Antonio With Your Credit Cards
1. They could steal your credit cards and your Costco card and save you all kinds of money by stealing bulk items at discount prices, instead of stealing full-priced goods elsewhere. At first, this may sound good, especially to blogger clotildajamcracker who blogs about wise tips on how to save money. Until you realize that the house-sitters stole Costco’s entire 42 item inventory of label-making products and put it all on your credit cards. And you realize all of this when you get home and find your house covered in labels indicating to the public that your house is now a Dollar Tree store, and find more labels on every item in your house indicating that those items are being offered for sale for one dollar. And sales are booming, with a house full of customers! Saving money can sometimes be expensive, a harsh lesson that you just learned by hiring 16 year-olds to house-sit for July for two $50 Hot Topic gift cards.
2. When you get back from your trip, and drive into your garage, the house-sitters could press all of the buttons on your car elevator! Instead of a swift four-minute trip to the third floor of your home car garage, you waste two minutes while the elevator needlessly stops at the second floor, because some jerks pressed all the elevator buttons. And when your tax returns indicate that your average hourly wages for the past ten years average out to “undisclosed dollars per hour,” that precious two minutes of time means you just lost “undisclosed dollars per hour divided by thirty!” That’s enough money to buy “an undisclosed number” of paintings at the next Sotheby’s art auction to decorate the White House Oval Office if you win the next election!
3. They could renovate the Oval Office in your house to convert it to another crazy shape, like a Hendecagon, Tangential Quadrilateral, or, heaven forbid, a Scalene Triangle! With many American kids not faring so well at math and science, according to CNN, relative to the rest of the world, this change is going to be a total bummer for kids who can’t identify any of these geometric shapes on future grade-school field trips to the White House! But don’t worry, President Obama, if you can’t rearrange it to an oval, might we suggest a crowd-pleasing Apple-logo shaped Office?
This concludes our week-long celebration of those of you who read, liked, followed, commented on, and/or anonymously searched for terms on our blog! We look forward to continue reading our followers’ blogs for our enjoyment and potential future entries here, and as always, feel free to submit your own mildly bad news or links to funny reported news for potential use in future articles!