Spiders + Blowtorch + California Brush = Wrong Solution To Kill Spiders!

The Consumerist reports that a California man, who was trying to clear his yard of cobwebs, decided the best gardening tool for this project was a blowtorch. This soon lead to a brush-fire in his backyard, and $25,000 worth of uninsured fire damage to his house.

Elaborate fireworks are also probably an inefficient way to kill spiders.

This is bad news for the man, but here are three worse items that someone could try to use to kill spiders and clear cobwebs in their dry backyard:

1. A blowtorch being operated by a praying mantis. The praying mantis is a natural predator of a spider, so it could have got the job done without the blowtorch! Which, by the way, it will likely be unable to lift, resulting in the entire lawn catching fire, leading to a massive lawsuit from the Local Praying Mantis Union for unsafe working conditions, after the praying mantis sprains its exoskeleton and can’t make Sunday prayer.

2. A blowtorch being operated by a giant prehistoric praying mantis, recently released from the ice of the Arctic, like the one in the 1957 movie the Deadly Mantis. That thing just left the cool Arctic, so it’s probably still cold and will set the blowtorch to the extra-hot setting before it goes on a rampage in your backyard while women scream because they think they are at a casting call for a 1950s horror movie.

3. A blowtorch being operated by Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark Cast members. They have enough problems to worry about doing their high-flying routines off your roof, without having to worry about accidentally lighting the roof they’re dangling from on fire. These are not the kind of working conditions you want when the Local Praying Mantis and Live Theater Actors Union conducts a surprise inspection of your property!

Categories: Animals, Entertainment, Humor

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

1 reply


  1. We Will Never Get Writer’s Block As Long As People Continue Killing Spiders With Blowtorches. « NotTheWorstNews

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