According to a National Geographic study reported in the LA Times, 65% of Americans believe that U.S. President Barack Obama would be better able to handle an alien attack than Mitt Romney.
In fairness to Mitt Romney, this is National Geographic, the magazine that conducts surveys that also find things like a third of young American adults think the population of America is between one billion and two billion. So you could see how some of these people who take National Geographic surveys may not be experts in predicting outcomes of alien invasions when they think that there are 1.7 billion extra Randy Quaids ready to deliver a computer virus to any aliens who mess with America this Independence Day.
The good news is National Geographic could have picked even less relevant questions, so here are:
3 Less Relevant Multiple Choice Questions National Geographic Could Ask In Surveys
1. Which presidential candidate would be better suited to jump in a DeLorean and travel back in time?
(a) Mitt Romney, because he could then undo all of the things he did as governor of Massachusetts, which he is clearly now against.
(b) Barack Obama, because he could bring an iPhone to his birth, and use the video camera and GPS to record that he was actually born in Hawaii.
(c) Ron Paul! Choosing this answer means you randomly like yelling “Ron Paul” in places. Oh, and Ron Paul can return to the happy days of the 1950’s when the government didn’t regulate anything, because if it even tried, Fonzie would tell them to “Sit On It.” Even if “it” was a chair assembled from cathode ray tubes, mercury thermometers, and harmless-unregulated-cigarettes.
2. Which presidential candidate would be better equipped to play Hasbro’s board game Monopoly?
(a) Barack Obama, because his experience as a community organizer will certainly help him organize more “Community Chest” cards into neat piles, according to Sarah Palin’s latest interview on Fox News.
(b) Mitt Romney. Someone’s gotta fire Monopoly‘s star “Rich Uncle Pennybags” after selling the entire Atlantic City boardwalk for just $400. Don’t worry yet, Pennybags, there’s a slim chance you can win it all back at the penny slots at the Trump Taj Mahal down the boardwalk.
(c) Mitt Romney. Because he believes that once Uncle Pennybags loses all of his money on the penny slots, that the states should decide whether to cover his optometrist and monocle. “Kentucky Avenue’s a state, right? You should check that out, Pennybags, but Baltic Avenue may be a better fit,” Romney will say as he repeals the $75 luxury tax.
3. When Did National Geographic Turn Into The Weekly World News?
(a) What’s National Geographic, and why are you interrupting me with so-called educational photos of pelicans while I’m playing Angry Birds?
(b) Around the time the A&E network, which once stood for “Arts & Entertainment” started airing shows like “Dog the Bounty Hunter,” “Cajun Justice”, and “Storage Wars.”
(c) National Geographic is nothing like the Weekly World News! By the way, did you see the article in the Weekly World News this week reporting that an alien spaceship was found in the Baltic Sea? If I know anything about geography, that’s right near Baltic Avenue. This does not bode well for the hotel I just built with my last bags of pennies on Baltic Avenue! Or does it? I better quit writing this survey right now and head over to Baltic Avenue and see how many aliens are dumb enough to pay $450 rent for a hotel on the cheapest street in Atlantic City!