American Idol season #2 runner up, Clay Aiken, proved two is his lucky number by finishing 2nd to Arsenio Hall on last night’s season finale of Donald Trump’s reality show, the Celebrity Apprentice. As the Clay Aiken American Idol finale was the #1 rated show when it aired, it is fitting that last night’s episode of the Celebrity Apprentice finished #3 in the ratings, as the average of 1 and 3 is, of course, 2. But could it be worse for Aiken? Of course, that’s why you’re reading NotTheWorstNews.com! So feel better knowing Clay could have finished second on any of these reality shows:
1. Fear Factor
The only thing worse than having to lay in a pit of rabid rats, and milk the rats, and then drink the rat’s milk, and then get rabies shots in the stomach for 20 days, is going through that entire exercise, and finishing with the second best time in the next event (trying to catch bungee-jumping chimpanzees) – because there is no second prize in Fear Factor! Actually, there’s no prize at all in Fear Factor, because it was just cancelled for a second time! So if somebody convinces Clay to enter a Fear Factor-like competition, we urge him to run, as it’s probably just a prank by some frat boys with video cameras. And since Clay would just finish second to Hardy Boy Chet Morton, he wouldn’t get in the frat, and would be wasting his time.
2. Rock Of Love Bus
Clay may hope to learn a thing or two from former Celebrity Apprentice winner and Rock Of Love Bus object of contestants’ affection, Bret Michaels. But the only thing you’d learn here, Clay, beyond the fact that Bret likes skanky chicks and large bandanas to hide hair loss, is that the show’s truck-stop Trucker Olympics, and Poison‘s single “Unskinny Bop” turned out to be better life-training events to join the Trump organization, than whatever Clay did on Idol or released afterward.
3. (tie) Jersey Shore or the Real Housewives of New Jersey
Actually, neither of these shows, technically have prizes, per se, beyond getting to live in parts of New Jersey where everyone yells at each other. So if that’s the prize, then second prize must be living in an 8-Mile Rap-Off in Detroit, and you do not want that, Clay. Especially if it means getting sent there with directions and instructions from fellow-Celeb-Apprentice fired contestant/New Jersey Housewife Teresa Giudice. Nothing’s worse than taking a wrong turn into Michigan and interrupting a rap-off to ask if this is New Jersey restaurant Smack Daddy’s.