Author Archives
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“Every 105-Year-Old’s Doing It, Why Can’t We?” We’d Imagine 1990s Rockers The Cranberries Might Say.
Yahoo reports that a 105-year-old woman from Texas proudly eats bacon every day! 3 Additional Seemingly Unlikely Things Someone Could* Do To Live To Be A Hundred Instead Of Eating Bacon Every Day 1. Smoke bacon-wrapped nicotine-filled cigarettes, then eat… Read More ›
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Gerbil Beauty Pageants: Better Than Other Trump Organization-Affiliated Pageants?
The Associated Press reports that the American Gerbil’s Society recently held its annual pageant in Massachusetts to determine “top gerbil.” 3 Pageants We’d Less Like To Judge 1. New York City’s Top Rat. Our reluctance to judge such a competition… Read More ›
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Bad Boys Whatcha Gonna Do When A Smaller Network Comes For You?
The Associated Press reports that after 25 years, the TV show Cops is leaving the Fox Network for Spike TV. 3 Worse Places The TV Show Cops Could Go 1. Your living room. It sure would suck to drunkenly turn… Read More ›
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Yeah, But Does This Company Give A Severance Package For My Cats, Too?
MarketWatch reports that Yahoo Inc. is offering a new incentive employees: gifts for their cats and dogs! What could the gifts be? According to the article, Yahoo will not comment beyond saying that the gifts will be “Yahoo-branded.” 3 Yahoo… Read More ›
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Swedes Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghosts, Which May Be Why They Punch Them In The Stomachs!
The Local reports that working as a ghost in a Stockholm theme-park fun-house is ironically not so fun. Apparently, when workers dressed as ghosts scare patrons, they have been known to punch the ghosts in their stomachs. And that’s just what… Read More ›
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If You Have Never Been Deported From A Country, You May Not Be Handsome.
Time reports that men visiting Saudi Arabia have been deported for being “too handsome!” 3 People Who Will Never Be Deported For Being Too Handsome 1. The captain of the college table tennis team who is totally sleeping with your girlfriend…. Read More ›
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While Everyone’s Been Talking About Apple Innovating “This” and Google “That,” McDonald’s May Be Doing Some Innovating Of It’s Own!
In a CNBC interview with the CEO of McDonald’s, the CEO reportedly said that McDonald’s is looking at “innovative ways” to extend breakfast hours for customers! We haven’t attended McDonald’s Hamburger University outside Chicago, so we can only speculate as to… Read More ›
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If Nobody In Italy Wants To Make Pizza, We Wonder If This Will Force A 30 Days Or It’s Free Policy…
CNBC reports that despite having the worst unemployment record in two decades, Italy has a shortage of 6,000 pizza-makers, that it is having trouble filling! 3 Pizza-Related Shortages We Do Not Want To See! 1. A shortage of items to stuff… Read More ›
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It’s May, Which, Of Course Means, It’s Time To Ask Yourself: “Does My Dog Need A Tattoo?”
DNAinfo.com reports that New Yorkers everywhere are getting trendy tattoos for their dogs, often on the hindquarters, a.k.a. “tramp stamp” position. Don’t worry, the tattoos are temporary, and from what we gather reading the article, also safe, unless your dog is… Read More ›
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