Real Toronto Sun Headline: “Toronto woman wakes up to raccoon sex”

The Toronto Sun reports that a woman woke up at 7 am to raccoons having sex on her balcony.  Here’s an excerpt from the article:

“‘I’m an animal lover but I can’t stand this,’ she said. ‘I found it gross and disgusting.

This is NotTheWorstNews, so we are all about helping media out. Here are 3 better headlines for this story:

  1. “Dear Donald Trump: We Found Your New Speechwriter.”
  2. “Animal lover surprised to learn animals not really made at Build-A-Bear Workshop.”
  3. “Here’s Another Clickbait Free Toronto Sun Article. Imagine What You’d Get To Read If You Subscribed To Premium Access. More raccoon sex stories? Real news about a reporter in tears over where her career has taken her? You’ll have to pay the premium to find out, you cheapskates!”
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Categories: Mildly Bad News

Tags: , , , , , , ,

1 reply

  1. Or: “Animal Lover Catches Animal Lovers In The Act”.

    Like

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