1. “I’m richer than Mitt Romney, the guy who you didn’t vote for because he said dumb things like asking if Rick Perry wanted to make a $10,000 bet during a debate.  So vote for me. There are a billion obnoxious billionaire voters in America, right?”

2. “I’ve never had a drink in my life, but say things you’d expect a drunk person to say. That’s getting things done without wasting taxpayer money on alcohol.”

3. “I’ve never had a drink in my life, but try my Trump Vodka. Oh wait, that product has been discontinued. Trump: not afraid to discontinue tremendously successful ideas to find time for even more successful ideas.”

Categories: Mildly Bad News

Tags: Business, Donald Trump, Humor, Parody, Politics, satire, wealth