Apple to unveil Apple Watch on Monday. Here Are 3 Features We’d Like To See…

1. App that laughs at $30,000 watches that only tell time. (Said $30,000 watches will retaliate by blinding the Apple Watch using the sun and their diamond-encrusted bands. Then they will run away to pawn shops crying little diamond tears.)

2. App that apologizes for laughing at other watches in the future, when new watches will power and drive your car, and whatever 2015’s Apple Watch does look obsolete.

3. App that gives you backs the hour of sleep you’re going to lose due to daylight savings time tonight. We might suggest the App just show an hour from this season’s House of Cards.

Categories: Mildly Bad News

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