Hey, You Have An Issue With Goldman Sachs? Talk To One Of Its 10,000 Vice-Presidents!

Bloomberg reports that a U.S. appellate court has sent a case to be heard by a jury to determine the meaning of “Vice-President” at Goldman Sachs.

A former employee claims that a “Vice-President” is an “officer” of the company, and therefore entitled to be indemnified by the company if he is sued.

Goldman maintains that “Vice-President” is a “courtesy title” handed out to about one-third of its employees.

Based on the numbers at Yahoo Finance, that’s over 10,000 Vice-Presidents at Goldman Sachs.

So what is a Vice-President at Goldman Sachs? We’ll see what the jury says… until then, here are:

3 Titles We Suggest For Goldman Sachs Employees

1. Co-Presidents of Making Jury Decisions. These people are on the jury, and will decide what a “vice-president” of Goldman Sachs is. Which in our books means these jury members rank higher at Goldman Sachs than actual vice-presidents. Too bad they’re getting paid a lot less compensation than the actual vice-presidents for doing their civic duties. (If Best Western Diamond Club reward points while being sequestered in a hotel room even counts as “compensation.”)

2. Vice-President of Legal Affairs And Confusing Juries. This seems like a pretty easy job since if Goldman Sachs has no definition of “vice-president” how is a juror supposed to figure out what the Vice-President-Of-Buying-Complex-Derivatives-That-May-Bankrupt-America actually does?

3. Vice-President of Being A Douche In Bars Who Flashes His Business Card With The Words “Vice-President” On It. We’d wager at least some of the 10,000 vice-presidents have played that card to try to pick up!

Categories: Mildly Bad News

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