Breaking News: Allegedly High Man Crashes Car Through Glass At CNN Center

CNN reports that an allegedly high 22-year-old man drove his Mercedes through the glass at the base of CNN’s headquarters in Atlanta.

Interestingly, the area apparently has barricade poles, large, stone planters, lampposts and shin-high metal barriers. More interesting, nobody was hurt and those barriers were unscathed. So the police cannot explain how the car got there.

3 Questions That Arise From This Story

1. Who gets to be on the panel of CNN analysts that will examine this from every angle for the next month? We’re crossing our fingers for stoner Need For Speed champions; David Hasselhoff; and the inventors of the Google self-driving car.

2. Is there any mystery CNN can explain? And we want a real explanation, not the contrived ending to Dude, Where’s My Car?

3. Why weren’t the words “Breaking News” painted on the glass? This is real news about breaking news building glass, and not day old news about dolphins that can make pinging noises.

Categories: Mildly Bad News

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