Last weekend we analyzed and searched for reasons as to why the characters on the Walking Dead do not refer to the zombies as “zombies,” calling them names like “Walkers,” or the more urgent seeming “Biters” and “Skineaters.”
Well, here we find ourselves on another Sunday, eagerly awaiting the Twittersphere to erupt into #WalkerHashtags about how awesome this show is that we think is overrated due to #WeakCharacters, #SlowMovingUnoriginalPlots, and #TooFewZombieSharknados.
But we know about 13.314 million people watched this show last week, so please feel free to comment as to your favorite zombie extras in the comments below. In the meantime, despite believing this show is overrated, here are the 3 reasons we believe it is not the worst thing on TV.
1. Because as bad as it is, it can’t possibly be worse than the real show that AMC airs after it: the Talking Dead. That’s right, they apparently have an hour long talk-show about the show you just watched, just in case the one minute of action in between 15 minutes of commercials and 44 minutes of people poking zombies through prison fences required further analysis. Ironically, we believe this talk show involves more talking than the character we call Woman-With-A-Sword has done all season. Anyway, congratulations, Walking Dead, it is likely logically impossible for you ever to be the worse show on TV when you are immediately followed by a show that inherently must be worse.
2. It’s slightly more exciting to watch than your teenage brother playing a video game about killing zombies on Xbox. While there may not be much difference between how much you care about the characters in a video game vs. the Walking Dead, if you had to choose which to watch on your TV, it’s still worth fighting your brother, because at least on AMC you get to watch commercials with characters you may care about. Like when they still show commercials for Breaking Bad even though the series is over. (Be careful, they will also likely show you commercials for the Walking Dead, just in case watching the show is not convincing you enough that you should be watching the show.)
3. Because 13.314 million people can’t be wrong! (Unless they are the 13.314 million people who wound up surviving a zombie apocalypse, yet still can’t figure out how to get the “infected” zombies to run out of energy and die, as they run out of brains to eat.) Seriously, are these zombies running on photosynthesis? Actually, we retract that comment because we don’t want someone to get the idea of all the trees in the forests surrounding Atlanta turning into zombies. Or maybe we do, since if trees are anchored into the ground, at least nobody will call them “walkers.”