Furious That Your Baby Sucks At Scratching Records? Now There’s A Baby DJ School That May Help With That.

The Wall Street Journal reports that Baby DJ School has opened in Brooklyn! That’s right, your baby can learn how to spin the best electronic and rap beats.

And were sure there’s no shortage of songs with “Baby” in the title to create hit YouTube videos there, or at least movie trailers for movies about babies with attitude.

3 More New York Schools We’d Like To See Open For Babies

1. The La Guardia School of “Hey-Three-Month-Old-DJ-Baby-Wearing-The-Noise-Cancelling-Headphones-Give-Me-Those-Headphones-So-I-Don’t-Have-To-Listen-To-You-Cry-On-This-Four-Hour-Flight.” When your baby learns how to give its noise-cancelling adults to someone else on the trip from Brooklyn to San Francisco, the passenger will also not have to listen to debates about which album by the National is the “most intense” between you and your spouse.

2. NYU School of Baby Politics. The good news is that if a baby runs for mayor, it won’t have any skeletons in its closet to disgrace itself. The bad news, is once the baby campaigns and starts kissing other babies, this will all change when the first baby vs. baby harassment lawsuit is launched.

3. The Williamsburg School of Being A Normal Baby When My Parents Are The Kind Of Hipsters Who Spend Money On Things Like DJ Classes. The bad news is that they may not save enough with their Barista and Anthropologie cashier jobs to pay for college for you at this rate. The better news is since you’ve been exposed to maximum DJ extra-strength headphones at an early age, you probably won’t be able to hear those lectures by the time your 17. The good news is this school teaches you that since you know all this stuff, you have to rebel at an early age and get a job on Wall Street, where as a baby, we promise you will not be the least qualified to handle other people’s money human there. Just ask the baby in the E*TRADE Commercials!

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Categories: Babies, Humor

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

9 replies

  1. I have a friend who used to be a DJ, who now has an infant son. I’m definitely sending him a link to this. Great stuff.

    Like

  2. So tended to send the little prince to DJ School… but, I’m not a hipster… also, I figure I could probably teach him his way around the decks on my own. And there will be no rap. Not in my lessons, anyway. We pump those speakers strictly with banging trance anthems. 😉

    Like

  3. “Tell me, do you know how I could save 15% on my car insurance?”
    Sell your car.

    Like

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