Biologist Says Sharks Are Usually Within 100 Yards Of You In An Ocean!

Last night, CNN’s Erin Burnett interviewed a wildlife biologist who stated that when you are in an ocean, whether it be off the beaches of Maui, New York, or the Jersey Shore, you are “usually never more than 100 yards away from a shark.”

3 Questions That Arise From This Story

1. Sharks aren’t very good at American football, are they? Cover the offense, defensive sharks, or you’re totally going to miss the point spread, leading bookies to send indebted, losing betters swimming with the sharks!

2. Hey, you’re not very athletic or good at football, either. Since kids in gym class can tackle you, from over 20 yards away, if you even get possession of the ball, should you even dare venture in the water? (Especially when you like to toss the pigskin around with your seal friends, who also apparently attract hungry sharks.)

3. Where were these sharks during the run of MTV’s Jersey Shore? Does the fact nobody was bitten by a shark* mean that perhaps they are not attracted to alcohol-filled blood, even if someone passes out within 100 yards of them? Well, if you ever talk to a hungover shark, we’re sure they’ll assure you, the answer is yes, and that they are never “touching booze” again!

*we never saw every episode so we are just assuming this never happened, but it does seem to be something stupid enough to have happened, so we can’t rule it out.

Categories: Humor, The Environment

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