3 Worse Individuals Your Wife Could Run Off With Than A Lottery Winner

We thank funny blogger/novel writer Indy Tony for nominating us for the “Versatile Blogger Award,” an award that requires nominees to nominate 15 new bloggers to accept the nomination.

As a versatile news team, we believe in demonstrating our versatility by respectfully declining all chain-letter-like award nominations by writing an entry about the nominee’s blog, regardless of the topic.

Our position about chain-letters probably was formed when following instructions on a chain message on the PacSun Facebook fan page timeline in which the poster warned that if we did not forward the message to 15 people forthwith, a ghost would appear in our bedrooms, but if we did forward it, we would meet our crushes the next day at 8 p.m.

We were initially sceptical of this claim because we knew we were spending the next day at 8pm ironically watching TLC’s Extreme Cheapskates on one of the televisions at the local Best Buy.

While at the Best Buy, cheaply using the cheapest laptops, we only had time to forward the message to 14 Facebook Friends, most of which were each other, creating mass confusion as to whether each message received increased the requirement by fifteen people.

However, none of this created any ghosts in our bedrooms, which were mostly filled with mattresses we found in dumpsters thanks to advice from Extreme Cheapskates.

And so, due to this experience with chain letters, we will instead invest our time reviewing Indy Tony’s Blog. Which takes us to an entry entitled “Happier Than A Pig In Slop.”

The good news is when all of your virtual Farmville pigs turn into real pigs, you can turn your 220 square foot apartment into a for-profit tourist attraction, something you couldn't do with all the virtual pigs you invested in!

Don’t be fooled by Tony’s blog title. It’s not all about pigs. There’s more to read about in life than pigs, people!

In this entry, Indy Tony, came up with a novel idea while driving from Cleveland to Rochester, to see his kids, whom he must love dearly, to drive from Cleveland to Rochester, where the most exciting thing to see en route is a McDonald’s in the middle of an interstate in Pennsylvania. That’s right, the McDonald’s is located on the median, in between the lanes! How do they do it?!

We are very impressed that at the time of the entry, Indy Tony expected to have a complete draft of his novel within just two weeks! Wisely not giving away the entire story for free, like a typical movie trailer, Indy Tony gave readers just a few details so they will want to buy the book.

And one main plot point is that a good guy’s wife runs off with a lottery winner. Want to know more? Check out Indy Tony’s blog. Want to know 3 Worse Individuals Your Wife Could Run Off With Than A Lottery Winner? Then read on:

1. The Kool-Aid Man. As anyone who watches 1970s commercials on YouTube knows, not only did you just lose your wife, to add insult to injury, your matrimonial home now has a giant hole in the wall, after Kool-Aid Man ran right through it with your wife, yelling “Oh yeah!”

2. The Pillsbury Doughboy. We don’t know why so many wives are running off with food product mascots, but we do know that the Pillsbury Doughboy will convince any judge or jury that he did not do a bad thing by running off with your wife, by cutely giggling in trademark fashion every time your wife’s lawyer pokes his belly on the witness stand, making it likely the divorce will be more costly to you.

3. Forrest Gump. The only thing worse than your wife running off with another man, is your wife literally running off with another man, all across the country, making it difficult to serve divorce papers on her. The good news is you’ll probably be able to serve her at Bubba Gump Shrimp Factory in Miami, where we suspect she’ll also be served shrimp products less sassy than at sass-talkin’ Red Lobster.

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1 reply

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