Bacon Eating Contests Temporarily Suspended Due To Bacon Shortage… With One Exception

CNBC reports that Major League Eating, an organization that governs food eating contests has temporarily suspended all bacon eating contests due to the global bacon shortage.

With one exception: bacon-wrapped scallops.

3 More Ridiculous Exceptions

1. Simulated Bacon Bits. Since these contain no bacon, they should only be suspended from simulated eating contests featuring mimes. Don’t worry, the mimes are still trapped in an imaginary box and probably won’t get out before the bacon shortage ends.

2. The iPhone 5. Look, just because there’s a shortage of something doesn’t mean it’s safe or economical to eat in the first place. That’s why we urge a permanent ban of all electronic device eating contests.

3. Bacon wrapped in scallops. Or as we like to call it, “the worst way to wrap a birthday gift, no matter what the teenager pretending to be an employee at the Hallmark store tells you.” Anyway, lousy gift wrap makes for lousier eating contests, so let’s just agree to stop the madness now!



Categories: Humor

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