ABC reports that a California teenager got his arm stuck in a vending machine trying to steal a can of soda. Fortunately after extensive work from the fire department, the boy’s arm was freed, with just minor scrapes, prior to him being hauled off to jail. Also, fortunately for the boy, this is NotTheWorstNews, so we can tell him, it could have been worse. Here are three worse places for a criminal to get their arm stuck during a theft…
1. A vending machine in the North Korean side of the DMZ, while standing in the South Korean side. We hear tourists can stand briefly in North Korea in a UN-controlled conference room, which we presume must offer our favorite soft drink, Dr. Thunder (Wal-Mart‘s generic version of Dr. Pepper). But dude, are you really so thirsty that you’re willing to cause an international incident?
2. A vending machine located at the bottom of a fireman’s pole in a fire station. The good news is it’s really the best place to quickly be rescued… or so it would seem until the sirens go off because some other kid has his arm stuck in a vending machine across town, and burly firemen fly down the pole, landing on you.
3. A vending machine that sells life-sized wax figures of Dr. Thunder. Hoping that vending machines like this never exist is the greatest reason we hope Wal-Mart never takes over Madam Tussaud’s Wax Museum! But if you do stick your arm in one, be warned, Dr. Thunder has big pipes, and since this vending machine is full of life-sized Dr. Thunders the fire department may spend hours removing wax arms by mistake.