Dr. Dre To Become Rap’s First Billionaire? Finally A Billionaire Who Will Win Any Cable News Debate With Donald Trump.

The Wall Street Journal reports that a deal in which Apple will buy Beats Electronics LLC will likely land Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine in senior positions at Apple.

As Dr. Dre reportedly said the deal will make him rap’s first billionaire, JAY-Z is going to have to work a lot harder than his current seemingly-tour-every-city-every-six month schedule to catch up.

3 Doctors We Hope Dr. Dre Becomes Richer Than

1. Dr. Oz. Is there any mixture of herbal supplements not evaluated to cure or prevent any disease by the FDA that Dr. Oz won’t plug? At least we know from his albums that Dr. Dre is not a fair-weather promoter, as he consistently recommends one herbal product.

2. Dr. Phil. Is it just us, or does Dr. Phil seem to be sliding down a slippery slope that will inevitably lead to Jerry Springer/Morton Downey Jr. style programming? And if so, Dr. Dre deserves more money, because what these shows call a “cable newsworthy moment,” (also worthy of being repeated multiple times during an episode to keep you watching), Dr. Dre fans call “just a skit in between songs.”

3. Donald Trump’s Plastic Surgeon. This is a humor site, so we have no idea if Mr. Trump has surgically inserted a combover onto his head. But we do know an angry, high, Dr. Dre would win any debate with blowhard, rhyme-free Trump (who would be sober, since he doesn’t drink*). So unless Donald Trump can have plastic surgery giving him Eminem’s head (to help him better compete in a debate against Dr. Dre), we suspect the surgeon is not worthy of being as wealthy as Dre.

*Why does Donald Trump brag about not drinking in the same interviews that he says dumb things? He is totally giving up any chance to say he didn’t mean to go on a ridiculous-multi-interview-tirade about a birth certificate because he was “in a drunken stupor.”

 

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