1.  Finally, a fresh candidate who will help the stock market, after six years of reaching disappointing record highs.

2.  Finally, a candidate who will lower oil prices from their pathetically high levels that make refuelling private jets expensive.

3.  Mitt Romney: I’m almost as lively as my proposed Vice-Presidential candidate – the statue of Ronald Reagan at Reagan International Airport.

Categories: Mildly Bad News

Tags: Advertising, history, Humor, investing, marketing, Parody, Politics, satire, whatever