Yahoo Finance reports that negative news headlines may outnumber positive ones 17 to one, and a recent study indicates people are more likely to engage with negative news.

So, sorry, readers, we had to put a negative headline on our mildly-bad-news-containing-web-site to even get your attention.

3 Questions That Arise From This Story

1. Does this mean that the Philadelphia 76ers, who have lost their first 17 games of the season will finally win their first game tonight against Utah? While they seem due for that one-in-eighteen positive news headline, you really don’t want to end up in your own news headline “Person loses all of their money betting based on an obscure statistic.”

2. Isn’t it time you settle down and got engaged to Positive News? You aren’t getting any younger. What? All the Positive News is already married. Well, time to lower your standards and date Bad News. Just try to convince it to be more positive by focusing on more positive news, like dogs getting married, just like this web site. Also, talking about dogs getting married at your wedding will make people forget you are marrying Bad News.

3. Hey, this is supposed to be a web site with mildly bad news… where’s the one-in-eighteen-pieces bit of good news? Okay, oil prices are down, which means you should have more money to buy stuff if you drive a car. Perhaps you can splurge on an anti-smog air freshening device!

Categories: Mildly Bad News

Tags: absurdism, absurdist humor, Dogs, Humor, marriage, news, Parody, satire, Weddings