CNN reports that famed groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, saw his shadow today, meaning six more weeks of winter, unless the groundhog is wrong, which it reportedly is “most of the time.”
“Could my, weather predicament get any more complicated?” you ask. Of, course! Here’s 3 worse things a groundhog could see than its shadow.
1. The shadows of groundhog predators like Bears or Eagles. And since Bear and Eagles didn’t make the Super Bowl, the likelihood of finding them in Punxsutawney is probably better than you expect.
2. The shadow of your local meteorologist trying to copy the groundhog’s test results. Perhaps this explains why they are equally accurate at predicting the weather.
3. The shadow of the groundhog’s wife making out with Punxsutawney’s snow-plow operator (also a groundhog). What a terrible day for a groundhog. Either this means six more weeks of winter (and profits for the groundhog snow-plow operator/home-wrecker), or six more weeks of non-winter (and the groundhog’s wife spending it with you-know-who.)
Happy Groundhog Day And Big Football Game Sunday* from Not The Worst News.
*as advertisers who cannot afford the rights to call it by name refer to it.
NotTheWorstNews 
I guess Phil shouldn’t have spent so much time away from home bragging about his weathercasting abilities.
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In fairness, we hear Phil’s time away from home was spent in meteorology college. His really problem was too much partying and not enough studying. Because life has taught us that too much partying is what groundhogs do, and by “life,” we mean CGI movies.
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