Oil prices rose today, even after OPEC failed to come to an agreement to lower production; Russia promised to increase output; oil workers stopped striking after several days in Kuwait; and inventories increased in the United States.

3 Possible Explanations For This Story

1. Trump convinced New Yorkers America never wins, and to forfeit their record-setting deposits on “loser” American-made Tesla electric cars.
2. New Yorkers who work on Wall Street heard this news and bought more oil stocks, oil futures, and barrels of oil to paint over the lead paint in old-but-trendy Brooklyn brownstones.
3. Oil is the new Beanie Babies. Buy some now because these things are in limited supply and will never, ever go down in value!

Categories: Mildly Bad News

Tags: Business, economics, Humor, oil, Parody, satire