The National Enquirer recently ran a story about alleged Ted Cruz affairs, which Ted Cruz alleges are untrue and sourced indirectly from Donald Trump.

3 Questions That Arise From This Story

1. Why is this news, and not Bernie Sanders currently speaking to a large crowd at Safeco Field? He’s the biggest winning home team to appear there in over a year!
2. And for Republicans, why is whatever John Kasich said today not news? We have not clue what he said (because it’s not “news”), but we know it’s not a crazy Twitter feud.
3. Did we forget to mention Bernie Sanders just introduced legislation to remove marijuana from the list that makes possession of it a Federal Crime? If we did, don’t blame us – the media will forget to mention it, too.

Categories: Mildly Bad News

Tags: Humor, journalism, media, Parody, Politics, satire