It seems a lot of you are recently viewing an entry we wrote in April, 2013, based on a reported real poll indicating that 4% of Americans say Reptilian people control the world. The poll was conducted by Public Policy Polling, so we decided to check their website to see if sentiment was changing.

While we were unable to find a newer poll about reptilian people, we did find an October, 2013 poll, by Public Policy Polling which you can view by clicking here.

Here is the most relevant question from the poll:

“Do you think the U.S. government has secretly
allowed aliens to take over our society in
exchange for help with industrial technological
advances, such as electric power and the
microwave, or not?
Yes………………………………………………………… 3%
No …………………………………………………………. 86%
Not sure …………………………………………………. 10%”

You just read the “news” part of our site, Not The Worst News. For our new readers, we now move to the comedy about that news part…

Three Questions That Arise From This Poll

1. If true, who negotiated this deal? Our microwaves lose track of time in a split second power failure, and won’t stop beeping when the popcorn is ready. We know the popcorn is ready. Our homes smell like popcorn and we heard the popping stop. Dear microwave, will you please just stop beeping while we finish our phone call to complain to our local representatives for not at least getting an iPhone 5S thrown in exchange for letting aliens rule society?

2. Does the fact that only 3% of people believe aliens are running the show in this poll, while 4% of people believed lizards were running the show in the last poll mean that 1% believe lizards from this planet are running the show? Well, we guess this could be a potential explanation of where the dinosaurs really went (perhaps they are hiding in Sears stores across the U.S.).

3. Dear ten percent of people who are “not sure,” have you asked yourself “Hey, if the aliens already had sophisticated technology like microwaves, and electricity, oh and spaceships that might move at the speed of light, do you really believe they might have needed to negotiate a deal to secretly take over America?”  If so, a man in an alien suit would like to sell you a microwave marked “Made In China” for five-hundred times the retail price at Wal-Mart. Just hand him the money, so you can microwave popcorn while you wait for a pollster to phone you to figure out how China got microwave technology out of this American-alien deal.

Categories: Mildly Bad News

Tags: Aliens, history, Humor, Parody, Politics, Reptilian people, satire, technology, UFOs